The Gundam Love Connection!
by Kira of the Sky
Summary: Welcome to the Gundam Love Connection with me Dorothy Catalonia! Come see which homicidal maniac Miss Relena will choose to date tonight!


The Gundam Wing Love Connection!  
  
Dorothy: Welcome everyone to the my new show, the Gundam love connection! With my vast amounts of wealth and influence, I have created my own Love Connection, unlike that boring one that I just want little Heero-chan to blow up with his gundam. Today we have five contestants competing for a date with our dear Princess Relena.  
  
Audience member: Isn't there supposed to be just three!?  
  
Dorothy: Well I have five so deal with it asshole!  
  
Relena: Hello everyone! Yay for pacifism! Let's keep things peaceful!  
  
Dorothy: Alright, first we'll have our contestants tell a little about themselves. How about you contestant number 1.  
  
#1: I'll kill you.  
  
Dorothy: Ok, that was a bit harsh, so let's move on to #2.  
  
#2: I like to call myself the god of death.  
  
Dorothy: Why is that?  
  
#2: Well everyone has to die. So I kill a lot of them, so I must be the god of the death.  
  
Dorothy: Ok, (where did we find these psychos?) hopefully #3 will be a little more sane.  
  
#3: Well I'm just like Miss Relena. I think that there should be peace with little fluffy bunnies and flowers….  
  
Dorothy: Ok #4.  
  
#4: ………………..Well I'm a clown and I don't like to talk.  
  
Dorothy: (At least he's not totally insane) #5 how about you?  
  
#5: Women are weak. I don't know why in the hell I came to this foolish show.  
  
Dorothy: Well there's a winner girls! Alright the first question is, What would you do on your date with Relena?  
  
#1: I would kill her.  
  
Dorothy: Gee that sounds fun doesn't.  
  
#2: Well maybe we could go to the Circus and then go kill some OZ soldiers and then we could go get our ponytails braded afterwards.  
  
Dorothy: Yet another arousing date plan! #3?  
  
#3: Well maybe we can go to the petting zoo and pet the little kittens and bunnies. Then we can go pick some flowers and then have strawberry shortcake while we watch Dragon Tales!  
  
Dorothy: (I think I'm going to hurl) Ok how about you #4?  
  
#4: ………………Well I guess we could go see me perform at the circus and then we'll go to a movie where we can be silent.  
  
Dorothy: Finally something a little more normal! Ok #5.  
  
#5: I don't date women. Women are weak.  
  
Dorothy: (Asshole) Now it's time for the next question! What is your ideal women?  
  
#1: A dead one.  
  
Dorothy: #1, you are just to harsh.  
  
#2: Someone who can be my goddess of death and help me kill everyone of OZ.  
  
Dorothy: And I thought #1 was scary.  
  
#3: Someone who loves cute things like fluffy bunnies and daisies!   
  
Dorothy: URRKK! Just way to cute!  
  
#4: A silent one who will leave me alone.  
  
Dorothy: I could go for that.  
  
#5: There is no ideal woman. They're all weak.  
  
Dorothy: I'm going to come over there and show you how weal I am when I kick your ass! Alright Relena, choose who your date will be from these five.  
  
Audience member: Oh #1-chan. Will you please take care of this problem?  
  
#1: I took the liberty of installing a solution in case this happened.  
  
(#1 take out a small switch and presses the button)  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!  
  
(In an instant the whole audience blows up)  
  
#1: Mission, complete.  
  
Dorothy: You blew up my audience you crazy psycho! Oh well at least we still have our viewers at home and I bet they're just dying to find out who Relena chooses after this commercial break!  
  
#3: Oh no the viewers are dying! Poor viewers. I wish I could help.  
  
Commercial: Looking for a good career choice? Look no further. Enlist in OZ today and within the first week we'll be sending to the front lines in your very own cannon fodder mech, I mean Leo! So join the millions of dead, I mean honorable soldiers today and remember, Treize wants you to die for his cause!  
  
Dorothy: Yeah! Wasn't that a cool commercial! Now the biggest question is which one will Miss Relena choose as her date tonight? The homicidal maniac #1? The god of death #2? The master of fluff #3? The silent clown #4? Or the patronizing jackass #5?  
  
Relena: Well, uh, uh, I guess I'll go with #1!  
  
#1: I'll kill you!  
  
Dorothy: Relena you chose #1, Heero Yuy!  
  
Relena: Oh Heero! You can kill me anytime!  
  
Heero: Ok.  
  
(Heero points the gun at her head)  
  
Heero: I want to kill you but I can't seem to.  
  
Relena: It's alright Heero. Let's go on our date. That's an order!  
  
Heero: Yes sir.  
  
(Relena grabs Heero's arm and they leave out the door)  
  
Dorothy: Well that's today's show. See you next week when two men compete for the same women! The Red Comet vs. the White Nightmare! See ya soon! 


End file.
